Today

It has been a month since my RAI treatment. I was one of the lucky ones who got the stomach flu the day after taking the pill. I was vomiting violently, I thought something was wrong with me due to the RAI! Ironically, the stomach flu was going around and I was exposed to it days before I took the pill. Hahaha, my luck!! :)

Anyways, other than the puking, it was a piece of cake. I went to the casino for a few days, how bad can that be right? We stayed in a suite, it was fun!


Back on my Synthroid since taking the RAI and all is back to normal. This journey has been crazy, but it has also been humbling. Today is Christmas, 2010. Thank you God for my life~ It is a gift I treasure.

All is good!~

RAI

Wow, today I feel really nauseous and my vision is pulsating.. Pretty weird being off the medicine for so long, it is starting to affect my body. Had my blood taken and my blood is very thick, never a problem.. Well the little gauze pad they tape on was full when I took it off at home! Sleeping is proving to be a challenge due to my limbs falling asleep. I like to sleep with my hand under the pillow, and now when I do it, my hand falls asleep - numb. So then I have to switch sides. My legs have been falling asleep too all the time.. Especially if I cross them. I am assuming this is due to bad circulation.. Which I never had so I am also assuming this is due to lack of thyroid hormone...I am not a complainey person, so for this stuff to grab my attention, it is bothering me. I am ok, at least it's not painful.. Other than the headache I've had for the past 4 days straight....

Looking for ward to taking the pill Tuesday and getting this over with!

Radioactive Iodine

Ok, well they have decided to give me this pill called Radio Active Iodine on November 16. I can't be home for days so it is going to be hard for me. I have been off the thyroid hormone for almost 2 weeks now. They plan to put me back on it after the RAI has run it's course. The purposeof this RAI is to blast away any remaining thyroid cancer cells in my body. I was told I couldn't cross the border during my time away because I would set off the alarms for high levels of radioactivity! Crazy stuff.. Not that I plan to cross a border, but could you imagine?! Getting detained! lol

I feel strange being off the medicine for these 2 weeks. My vision kinda pulsates at times and my limbs fall asleep all the time. I have had a headache, been a little nauseaus and my skin and hair have been acting strange.. Dry in a sense.. I am tired a lot, my joints feel numbish, or tickly sort of. It's hard to explain. Not pain, just strange. I can't wait to get this over with and get back on my Synthroid! This world of thyroid cancer is becoming my reality every day that passes. It's now who I am. I am a person who survived a cancer.

Weight

Well let's just say this.. I was pregnant when I was diagnosed so I gained a lot of weight after the surgery which put me in an unfair weight gaining bracket than most other thyroid cancer patients. I weighed 115 when I became pregnant and topped out at 176 the day I gave birth. I read that losing weight without a thyroid was very difficult but I don't care what they say :)

I have been working out every day of the week doing cardio for 15 minutes a day. I just do it in my living room, nothing fancy. I cut my calories to a bare minimum. I am on the Special K diet, it is easy and works. At first, I didn't lose weight as fast as I wanted to, but in the 6 weeks since I had the baby, I have lost 25 pounds. It wasn't easy, but you have to be determined. It is easy to be lazy and not work out. I just remind myself that my goal is to fit into a tankini by next summer (a bikini would be pushing it!). I will jog every day if I have to, I will lose it. Some people are not as ambitious to work out as I am, and will have a hard time losing weight. If you can't work out, you can at least diet. Really, no excuses~ Just do the best you can, stay committed and you will lose weight. Geez Louise, I did it, anyone can~ :)

Scar Today

And here is my scar today~ It's like a smile :)

The baby's name...

Oh yeah... we named the baby Phoenix :) ~

The Phoenix is a mythical fire bird that is born from ashes and also represents a second chance to live~ According to Wikipedia:

"A phoenix is a mythical bird that is a fire spirit with a colorful plumage and a tail of gold and scarlet (or purple, blue, and green according to some legends). It has a 500 to 1000 year life-cycle, near the end of which it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again. "

The baby's zodiac sign is a Leo (fire sign) :) Perfect symbolism all the way around~

Getting ready for radioactive iodine

Wow, it has been a long time since I posted!

Well I had a happy, healthy baby boy~ All is well!

I am going to get my RI treatment in October (had to wait until after I had the baby) and it should be a piece of cake. What is that anyways?! A pill!! I had to swallow, accept and adjust to finding out I had cancer ... had my whole thyroid removed while pregnant and then gave birth all in like 6 months.. I think I can handle a pill! I am going away when I get it. I am thinking a few nights with some close friends and or family to a casino. Why not! Maybe the radioactive iodine will charge up the winning mechanism in the slot machine and I will win!! You never know :)

Since having cancer, my mind has been racing a mile a minute. I am making lists of things I want to buy and buying them, writing in a journal to record my words, recipes and other things I want them to know (for my kids). I have been taking a ton of pictures, and even letting more of me be taken (I HATE my picture taken..). I have this new sense of urgency for my life. I guess brushing so close to death with having cancer does that. I realized that life is so fragile. The real essence of the meaning of life for most has become clouded with superficial and insecure worries. I have this new sense of confidence, like I know a deeper meaning to life now. I feel like I have a second chance, a second chance is something many people do not get. For millions of people, finding out they had cancer was too late. There was no second chance. I have one!! Hallelujah!! :) People die every day, we all have an expiration date. Life will end for every one of us. The human body is just a flesh and blood mortal vessel for the immortal soul. I have little boys who need me, they need their Mommy. I am so happy, and GREATFUL for a second freaking chance that I don't give a rats ass about the side effects of the meds, the treatments, the bloodwork, the huge scar on my neck.. yadda, yadda.. I have a second chance at life!!! It is easy to complain about things and worry about idiotic stuff.. Seek out the beauty in a second chance at life if you survived cancer.

I'll update again when I have my RI treatment :)


... Seriously, think about the good, focus on the good... ;)

Summer

One thing that I have to watch is the scar on my neck. I bought SPF 100 sunscreen, my doctor advised me to keep it covered with sunscreen at all times when exposed to the sun. I guess it will change the pigment.. I keep it covered daily and carry the sunscreen in my purse with me.

The incision site still hurts, if you touch it it feels sore. I guess these types of things heal from the inside, so I have a while before I am completely pain free in the incision area. No biggie, just another little thing that is a side effect from a major surgery.

Progress

Honestly, I feel pretty darn good after having my total thyroidectomy. My levels are still being adjusted, but I wouldn't notice if they didn't tell me. No significant hair loss, no terrible weight gain (except for the pregnancy) and not horrible emotional side effects. Everything I read online about having your thyroid removed was scary, and here I am feeling as close to normal as I am going to get.

I still take my calcium pills every day (tums) and because of the pregnancy, I really need to watch those levels. I am tired somewhat, but that could be from the pregnancy as well. I feel good, but most of all I feel greatful to be cancer free :)

Mothers Day

Mothers Day is on Sunday. It hits me every year that I feel a little strange getting gifts or flowers from my husband or my kids.. Why do I feel this way?
Because being a Mom is a gift I believe. The rewards are givent o me each day. A smile, a hug, an "I love you Mom" is all the recognition I need to know that I am doing things right. To know that my kids are happy and healthy and that they feel loved and special is gift enough for me.

Having Thyroid Cancer has given me a deeper outlook on things. I mean, life is so fragile. It can be taken from you at any moment. We are not guaranteed a tomorrow. With that being said, I hope this Mother's Day, they just go on with their day and forget to bring up what "holiday" it is. If I am allowed to just sit back and watch them laugh I will feel fulfilled. Mother's Day is every day for me. God has blessed me with these wonderful little people to love, how lucky I am~

Update

Wow, I can't believe how much time has gone by since I have posted! All is well, I feel great, no significant weight gain, no hair loss.. Just tired.. That could be from the pregnancy.. They are adjusting my levels, but I feel pretty good!

A little sore at the incision site still.. Nothing I can't handle :)

I was so afraid that I was going to lose myself, but I am still me. Just without a thyroid!

The pathology report came back on my thyroid.. When they took it out, they sent it to a lab and they found that I had both papillary and follicular cancer. They took out some lymph nodes as well that were cancerous. It is creepy to know that I had that much cancer in there and didn't know it.. If I was never pregnant, I would have never known until it was too late. In all ways possible, this baby saved my life.

I have a whole new outlook on Cancer. It must be stopped. There has got to be a cure somewhere. Maybe lurking in the fungus of a rainforest tree, or maybe it is something simple like a bacteria that can cure it. I proudly support cancer research and know in my heart a cure will be found someday.

The Surgery - Continued

So the first night was just a lot of restless sleep and getting adjusted to the hospital. Every 6 hours, they are required to check your blood for calcium levels etc. I began to feel like a pincushion, but I knew it was only for my own good.

Getting up to go to the bathroom was a process. I had to call the nurse who would have to unhook me from the drainage cup in the wall, pin the drainage "blood" bag to my nightgown and help me wheel the big IV unit in the bathroom with me. Being pregnant, I urinate frequently, so it was becoming a nuisance. They also came in all night long to take my blood pressure, check my oxygen (finger) and ask me how I was feeling. When you are hospitalized, you feel like such a child. You are not in control, I guess it is comforting, but can be annoying.

The next morning I was up early. I turned on Food TV and waited for breakfast. I was surprised, but I was not required to be on a low iodine diet! When they take out your thyroid, they give you replacement hormones, the same hormones your body makes, so you can go right back to your normal life. I was happy about that and my father brought me a big piece of cheese pizza to celebrate this happy news. Of course, you have to be careful coming out of anesthesia and eating, you can vomit easily. So I ate my pizza the next day with no problems. It did hurt to swallow, but when you are pregnant and hungry, you don't care.

This was the way it went until discharge day, day 3. I was beginning to get bed sores on my back. Going from being a person who rarely sits down to being a person who just lays there in a bed with plastic sheets does that. I was anxious to have that damn drainage tube removed. I kept asking and asking for them to take it out. Finally the doctor came in and was ready, it hadn't drained much at all and he felt it was time. After he cut the stitches that held it in place, he looked at me and said, "Now this is the uncomfortable part". He pulled that tube out of my neck and it was really a bizarre, uncomfortable, somewhat painful experience. It was over so fast that by the time I had time to think about what was happening, it was over. Honestly, that drainage tube was the worst part of the whole surgery and recovery process. The stitches were and still are tight, but I just had a major organ removed, there are bound to be some stitches!

Honestly, after all I read on the Internet, I was so scared walking into that hospital. Now here I am, done with it all and everything I read on the Internet just scared me more than it needed to. I feel fine, just a little tired, but fine. My voice is small, I can not shout, but my husband and I think it is funny. he thinks it is cute, I think it is no big deal.

My hair is not falling out, I am not bald, not fat and not depressed. Just a little tired.

Don't be afraid.

If you have thyroid cancer, the surgery is saving your life. They are taking out a diseased organ that will kill you if left in. Think of it life saving surgery and be happy they found it in time. Stay positive.

The Surgery

Well, I am home now. I just had the surgery on Monday and this is the first chance I have had to post about it.

I arrived at the hospital on Monday afternoon for my surgery. Shortly after I arrived, I was ushered into a room where I stripped down to just a hospital gown and some socks while I waited for the nurse to come in and insert my IV. The nurse they sent tried 3 times to get the IV in my veins, I almost fainted, but finally a different nurse got it in and I was ok.
I answered a barrage of questions, met my anestesiologist and was then put on a gurney whelled to a waiting room. My family was with me, it was nice to have them all there. After a few minutes, they said OK, the doctors are ready! I said goodbye to my family and off I went.
I was then wheeled into a room with big bright lights and tons of doctors all around. Everyone was friendly and engaging me in conversation. The anestesiologist injected something into my IV and withing a few minutes, I was out cold in the middle of a conversation.
I woke up what seemed minutes later in another room. I felt kind of drunk and my vision was blurry. It took a while to come to, but it happened soon enough. In what I thought was minutes, a whole 5 hour surgery had happened!
I was wheeled into my hospital room and was able to see my family again. It was dark outside which took me by surprise. My neck was sore, but they gave me pain meds to keep it under control. The most awful part of the whole procedure was the drainage tube that was hanging out of the incision area. It was hooked up to a tube that was then hooked up to a collection bag which was then tubed into a cup on the wall that was collecting bloody fluid from the place where my thyroid used to be. It tugged and pulled when I turned my head, I hated it.
But, I just had a major surgery, so if that was all that was bothering me, then that is good!

I will finish the story tomorrow, I am falling asleep as I type this, one of the side effects is tiredness, I still have stitches in my neck! I am fresh off the operating table :)

March 22, 2010

That is the date for surgery. I go in Friday for my Pre-Op and physical.
Today is Wednesday, St. Patrick's day. 4 more days.... I better eat all the delicious food I can now!! :)

The Baby

I am more worried about the baby in my tummy than anything else at this point. Can they really give me vicodin or percoset while pregnant for the pain after the surgery? Even if they do, I will not take it. I will take Tylenol and know that it is safe. Being pregnant puts a whole new spin on things. There is just that much more worry..
Through all this, I have a new lease on life. I look at my kids and cry because I am so happy. How did I get so lucky to be blessed with these little people? These little rays of sun, these beautiful souls who joined me on Earth to make my life a better place to live. I tell them I love them at least 30 times a day. Eventually, we all die. And when I do, I want them to look back at their lives and remember all the love and kindness I gave them and if they say "My Mom was the best Mom I could have asked for", then I have succeeded at life.
Oh little baby in my tummy, we will get through this. It is all going to be ok.

It's about me.

The one thing that I have become increasingly annoyed at throughout this journey so far is the stories people tell me about the person they know who had thyroid cancer and has turned out just fine. I know, it is uplifting and reassuring to hear these stories of triumph, but they really go in one ear and out the other. I am glad your Aunt Hilda survived a total thyroidectomy and is doing great. But in MY life, for ME, this is a big deal. I am not Aunt Hilda!
I am not sure how I am supposed to react when people tell me these stories. It seems as if everyone knows someone who had their thyroid removed and is doing great, and they have to tell me about it. But what I don't get, is how am I supposed to respond? Am I supposed to say "Oh really! Then I am going to be fine too! Yipee!!!" or "That is great! I fell all better now!!".
I hate to be sarcastic or put a raincloud on a happy story, but I would rather not hear about other people right now, because it dosen't matter.
I am still getting used to the fact that I need this surgery on Monday. A story about your Mother In Law is not going to take away my anxiety or fears. Your Mother In Law was afraid too. She may be ok now, but when she was being wheeled into that room, she was afraid, very afraid. So was Aunt Hilda for that matter. Aunt Hilda may be happy and healthy now, years after her surgery, but that moment of checking into the hospital was scary for her too.
That is what I am trying to get at. I appreciate all the stories with happy endings, but let's just get the surgery over with, then tell me all the stories you possibly can. Maybe Aunt Hilda and I can sit down and have a low iodine lunch together at the bistro in town. Maybe then she can tell me how she feels like a million bucks and we can be thyroid support buddies. But right now, I need to talk about me, and focus on getting through this. I am scared. I am very, very scared at what I am about to face and nothing can ease that right now. Thank you for the story, but it didn't take away my fear.
It is going to be ok, I know, but I need a little time to digest it all. That's all.

Life Does Not End With Thyroid Cancer

Am I scared? Yes.
I try to tell myself that other people are dealing with larger health issues, but for me, this is a huge deal and I can't help but find myself daydreaming about my life and wondering if I am going to miss the old me. When this happens, I remind myself that it WILL be me, and I am in charge. It is just going to be me without a cancerous thyroid!
If I do not have this removed, I will eventually die from it. It will spread throughout my body and I will die from cancer. With that as the alternative, I guess surgery isn't such a big deal.
The thyroid is a major organ, it produces a hormone and does many other very important things. If you have no thyroid making hormone, you die. You can live without one kidney, without your tonsils, without your gall bladder, but without the thyroid, you die if you do not take hormone replacement pills. If you stop taking the pills, you die. So, it is a big deal and it is life changing, but the good news is, it is not life ending. We can live our lives and experience the beauty that the world has for us. Imagine if you were told you have a month to live? The big picture is humbling.
As far as the hormone pill is concerned, I feel confident that I will be ok and be the same. If you take vitamin c from a pill or from an orange does it really matter? It is still vitamin c doing the same job right? Think of the thyroid hormone pills the same way.
This is my new mantra:

If I gain weight, I will work it off. If I lose hair, I will grow it back. If I get sad, I will remind myself to be greatful. If I feel dark, I will find the sun in the eyes of my children.

Repeat it, feel it, believe it.

Monday Is The Day

I don't know where to begin! Here I am, 15 weeks pregnant in for a routine tummy check appointment when they discovered a strange lump on my neck. The thyroid does weird things during pregnancy so it was no real cause for alarm. I made an appointment to my doctor for a little thorough look at this bizarre lump. She has me swallow water, and asked me a barrage of questions such as "Have I been in any pain?" The answer was no. If the OBGYN had not felt my neck, I would never have known.
She sends me for an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was acting strange. I happened to look at the screen when I saw the big white colored mass on the screen. The tech called out some doctors in white coats who began asking me the same questions, "Are you in any pain?" NO, I am not in any pain! What the heck is going on!
The next step was a biopsy at the ear nose and throat doctor's. No big deal, a little pinch, some annoying sensation and off the specimen went to the lab. A phone call 2 days later gave me the dreaded answer, it was thyroid cancer.
The phone call next was what shocked me. I would need surgery to take out this big mass next week, at 21 weeks pregnant. Pregnant? Can they knock me out while I am pregnant for surgery? I guess they can, and they well intend to on Monday.
I have not had my surgery yet, it is in 6 more days. I have researched "life after thyroid removal", "thyroid cancer surgery side effects" and all the other terms you can imagine only to become more scared and frightened than ever before. I have read that people lose their hair, become fat and depressed.. I think by reading all that I have lost some hair from stress, gained some weight due to crying in a bowl of ice cream and have definitley become depressed!
It isn't a lobotomy. It is just a thyroid. I am going to forget all that I read, walk into this determined not to let it control me and to give it one heck of a fight. At 29, and pregnant - If I can do it, you can too. Positive, positive, positive. Positive attracts positive and you will only become what you let yourself become. If I lose a little hair, I will get extensions. If I gain weight, I will run up and down the street every damn day until I drop pounds like crazy. If I become depressed, I will fill my home with the sound of happy music and get a good anti-depressant! Let everyone else be fat bald and miserable. I am determined to win and not lose myself to this damn disease. That is why I created this blog, to conquer it and to help you to do the same with me.